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  • Not That Kind of Karen

How to Be a 40-Something-Year-Old Woman in America

Updated: Aug 13, 2023


Find and keep a hairstylist to flawlessly cover your grays

And someone to trim and paint the nails you’d otherwise pick at and bite

Purchase proper work shoes – platformed, close-toed, professional, petite

And black leather – always

Fill in the eyebrows you paid to have threaded in your 30s

And wipe the lenses of the black, wide-rimmed glasses from Costco

Because wearing glasses may mean being perceived as being smart and capable

And appearances are everything when you’re a 40-something-year-old woman in America

Get noticed without being seen as a threat

Know you will be a threat to some but keep shining anyway

Learn to see past the inevitable haters

Meditate before going into the office

And forge relationships with those who support, appreciate, and help grow you

Read the news of this country’s great fall without getting upset

Stay informed, forever informed, but step away when it’s all too much

And allow yourself the properly vent in front of your new therapist

Permanently delete the social media accounts started when you were 20-something

Because you know about being a product

And recall what life was like before the compulsion to scroll, upload and update, scroll

Dress for the occasion without being too noticeable

Navigate events where 90% of the attendees make more in one day than you do in a month

Be gracious in any circumstance

Remember your attitude is all you can control

Intuit your way through conflict and challenges

Learn when to hold your tongue

And when to announce your gifts and strengths

Understand, my dear, that people will still hate you, I'm sorry to say

So you learn to take a breath, stand tall in your shoes, and greet them with, “Hi, how’s your day?”


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